Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
