I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
