Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
