so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
