The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
