i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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