the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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