So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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