Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
