She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize