We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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