glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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