New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
