Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
