Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm passing your future prison.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
