Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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