I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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