If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
