She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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