First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
