its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
