OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
