ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
