why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
