it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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