Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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