It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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