This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
