remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
