She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
