she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
