Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
