come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
