You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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