Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
