After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
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omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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