I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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