I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
