broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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