i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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