I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He better not be in your backpack
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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