you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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