He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
