Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
