we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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