before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
