I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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