can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
