Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
