if i can run in heels then i can drive
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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