Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
