i think my mom watched the whole time
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
