Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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