I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
