Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize