you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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