so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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