i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
