Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
