I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
