My friends, they love my intelligence
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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