i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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