I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
