Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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