I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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