If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
