Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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