Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
