You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
