a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
