so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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