do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize