im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
