u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
