M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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