Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
