Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
