"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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