im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
