I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
