Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I understand Curling. That high.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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